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THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS |
… And there’s absolutely no business like show business. Oink!’s very own show biz editor has been digging and delving and getting to grips with the ups and downs and the ins and outs of what’s been happening - and why - in Panto and around “the biz”. Here he is! Hammond Egg!
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OH, NO IT DOESN’T! OH, YES IT DOES!!
TV One thing you can always depend on at Christmas is – no, it’s not snow, or even everyone snoozing off after a gargantuan, festive lunch – it’s pantomime: that extraordinary, British theatrical concoction of political incorrectness gone completely nuts!
I mean, you’ve got girls dressed up as boys; men dressed up as women; people slapping other people all over the stage; other people slinging pies at each other; mice turning into fairies and even cats wearing boots!
Wow, if that wasn’t enough, you’ve got the corniest jokes, weirdest costumes and kids being allowed to yell out, stamp their feet and generally run riot.
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And yet, and yet – it’s terrific fun for everyone, in pantomime. You’re going. I’m going. Oh, yes we are!! And that’s just as well, because, apart from the pleasure it gives us all (although some people won’t admit it), pantomime does something else that’s very important: it offers actors and musicians all around the country the opportunity to work.
With most actors out of work at any time, according to industry sources, pantomime is an indispensable source of income for most thesps (short for thespians, a posh word for actors) who spend most of their time doing other jobs, rather than the one they love and have spent years and years training for. Crazy or what?
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The minimum wage earned by an actor working in a stage production is £400 in London and £350 in the ‘provinces’ (that’s anywhere outside of London). Of course, some actors earn big money in West End shows, and television, film and commercials are good earners, too, though jobs are difficult to get and the competition is high. If you think X Factor is tough, that’s nothing to an audition for, say, a part in the dancing chorus in a West End musical.
Still want be a star? Well, take heart. Lee Mead (right) did. Put in the ground work for five years learning his craft, Phantom of The Opera and all that… then got lucky and won Any Dream Will Do! Now he’s in Joseph and he’s really doing terrifically well.
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What does it cost to put on a panto? OINK! has learned it can be anywhere from tens of thousands of pounds for a local town rep theatre production to hundreds of thousands for a major theatre production, like Aladdin at the Birmingham Hippodrome, starring John Barrowman.
OK, so that’s actors and musicians in panto, but we also see boxers, and footballers and a whole mix of other people wafting in and out of panto. What’s all that about? Bums on seats is the answer. Boxers, like Frank Bruno and footballers, like Alan Hansen, don’t just box and foot! They also appear in panto and on TV. Why? Because they are what is called in theatre-speak ‘good box office’. That is, the producers who put on the shows know people will pay to see them.
In Alan’s case, after playing for Liverpool and, being a household name, he was chosen by BBC TV to appear on Match of the Day, where he has been for sixteen years. He’s popular: people tune in and watch the show. As for Frank, he’s a great, loveable champ, who’s got a heart as big as a mountain, and has appeared in pantos with great success.
What’s great about panto is that everything turns out OK in the end, everybody’s happy, except the baddies – Boo! Hiss! (we love ‘em, don’t we?) and we all have a jolly good, magical time.
And now, everyone, in true panto style – “poof!” (smoke, flash of light) the Queen of Dames has just turned into the King of the Jungle. Yes, Christopher Biggins, who has starred in more pantos as ‘Dame’ than Ed. Pig’s had hot sausages, is more popular than ever and happy with his new crown, having just won I’m A Celebrity… which he probably wouldn’t have won if it hadn’t been for Panto. Oh, yes he would! oh, well – you just never know… |
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